How I find motivation for running

      In this whirlpool of private experiences and philosophical thoughts, this will be something different, more lightweight. 

Sports is my passion - running, volleyball, cycling, badminton, you name it. However, I do it not just because I can. I have my goals and I work hard to achieve them, but this is the tricky part. This is where laziness comes in. I like to share my progress in social media and the response I usually get was my major inspiration to write this post. 

When I share my workout results, sometimes people leave a comment or message me saying they wish they were as motivated as I am. First of all, let's make this clear - my motivation is not a given. Just like everybody else, I have my lazy days and dozens of silly excuses in my head (it's too windy, the park might be too crowded, I have a lecture in five hours etc.). I am always on a hunt for good motivational quotes and tips and over the last couple of years I have developed a coping strategy for my laziness when it comes to sports (to tell you the truth, it's not 100% per-cent effective and will never be - after all I'm a human, not a robot).

So, here's some tips and tricks that help me stay motivated.

1. Set a goal. It can be absolutely anything from fitting into your favourite jeans that became too tight to a thigh gap, toned arms or a flat stomach. This is probably not news for you, but it really matters. However, it didn't work well for me on its own, so here's another tip from me - buy an item of clothing that will not be flattering unless you reach your goal. For example, my goal is to have a flat stomach until the middle of June, so I bought this beautiful crop top. I promised myself that even if I don't get a flat stomach, I will have to wear it at least once in June. So now, when I am all cozy in bed and I want to stay there the whole day, that's what I tell myself. Trust me, it works!

2. Earn your shopping day. I discovered this tip only a couple months ago and now I don't even know what I would do without it. I'm sure everyone knows the feeling when you see something you really like but it costs so much you would feel guilty if you bought it. So earn it! Set up a cute little jar and put some money in it after each workout. However, it is very easy to cheat here, so I would recommend to define what a "workout" is (is 20 crunches same as a 5k run?). For example, I put 10SEK (around 1€) for each workout that is no less than 25 minutes long. This has two major outcomes - you don't waste money on expensive things you don't need and it's a big pleasure to buy an expensive item you worked so hard for. 

3. Find a gym buddy. This is probably the hardest thing to do. I haven't found people motivated enough to run with me at least a couple times a week. Also, making a running schedule can be really complicated if you're both busy. However, now I know what it feels like to have a gym buddy and it's magical, especially on days when you feel really lazy. You just get up and do it, knowing that someone is counting on you. This one helped me even in my darkest times.

4. Find some motivational quotes that make you want to do a workout. These might be really cheesy, but there's something in them that gets me out of bed and into my running shoes. They're very personal and what works for me might not work for you. I usually find them on WeHeartIt. Here are some of my favourites at the moment:

And (surprise surprise) Ryan Gosling

So, that is all I have to share with you for now. Writing this type of blog posts is new for me, but I enjoyed it. If you would like me to talk more about sports, workouts and my lifestyle, let me know and I'll see what I can do :)

Thoughts about saying good-bye (II)

Until I graduated from high school, a good-bye was never a big deal for me. It usually meant "see you tomorrow" or "see you after the weekend". However, the concept and the aftermath of good-byes have been keeping my mind occupied for quite a while now.

Not too long ago "have a nice life" seemed like a cool phrase to throw at your enemy. Now it's something I say to friends. People have a tendency to be optimistic and say "see you soon" in all sorts of situations, but sometimes you just know you are never going to see them again, simply because you reach a parting of your ways. My university town, Malmo, is the only connection I have with most of the people I met after I graduated from high school. Everything is so unstable here - people come and go, knowing that even if they come back a year or two later, things will never be the same.

But what's been really bothering me lately is the classical situation - one person stays and the other person goes. I have been on both sides.  Leaving home for the first time, I looked ant my brother and tried to picture what he would do after I'm gone. He would go to the kitchen, grab a few candies from the yellow bowl on the kitchen table, lie down on the sofa and watch TV all afternoon. I left my classmate in a train station in Malmo a year ago and flew over to England, thinking how she would go home and wrap herself up in a blanket, just like every day. I left my housemates in England, knowing that nothing really changed for them and they will soon welcome a new person who will sleep in the same bed I slept in. With or without me, these cycles never stopped.

But sometimes I get to be on the other side. Looking at my boyfriend in the train window after he visited me, I knew it was just the beginning of his journey, and I just went back to my apartment. Nothing was different, except the fact that he was there, with me, only half an hour ago.

It just gets so confusing at this point - you always hear how important you are for people, but when you are gone, are you really missed?

Beautiful as we are (III): Mind the tights

Sitting on a tram this morning, I was wearing a short dress and thick tights. You know when your stop is nearing and you get ready to quickly stand up and get out? At this stage I caught myself thinking whether there were any sharp angles on the metal seat that could potentially ruin my tights. And then I asked myself - do men find themselves in this situation? What about other hassles that not-entirely-comfortable clothing leads to? Shoulder bags that always threaten to slide off your shoulder, high-heels that slow you down or make-up that prevents from enjoying the rain? I'm not sure about the shoulder bag situation, but others are only lived through by women.

In Sweden, men ride bikes in expensive suits and women ride bikes in high-heels. Because why not? 

Getthing back to the topic though, whilst on my stay in Newcastle, England, I wrote a paper on how clothing is meant to restrict women. I stumbled upon that topic barely out of curiosity. I was in the library and I randomly opened a random book that happened to be about gender performativity. And it definitely drew me in. I read plenty of book chapters and articles on it. I read way more than my paper demanded. 

And now I see it. Women are unconsciously restricting themselves every day with their clothing. I sat there on a tram this morning thinking about my tights, and that girl stood under a roof in pouring rain the ofher day for half an hour to save her makeup. Yes, my tights are alright, but maybe that girl got a cold afterwards? Again, I'm going back at the #LikeAGirl campaign I mentioned in "Beautiful as we are (II)" - yes, a woman can be physically powerful and open jars in the kitchen herself. She just doesn't know it most of the time.

Beautiful as we are (II) : too beautiful to be smart?

This post has been in my blog as a draft for nearly five months by now, and there are so many things unsaid that I don't really know how to say. A few days ago I came across an article that did what I seemingly cannot. It viewed gender inequality in the job market objectively.
I don't have many front-row experiences of when a woman was denied a high position because of her appearance. However, I have minor stories, and I believe that they plant the very same seed in young and perspective women that grows to prevent them from high positions in their fields of expertise.
Compliments, when spoken out, have to be differentiated. Not all of them seek to flatter.
"What do you know about struggles for recognition, you are pretty and it's way easier for you" - I have been addressed one of these as well.
"I will shed all of this skin down to the very bone beneath it if that's what it will take for you to come to the realization that appearance is not what makes a human beautiful" - this quote basically says all I think of it better than I ever could put it in my own words (I've posted it in one of my older blog posts).
Beauty is a 'given' and intelligence is an 'achieved'. Why is it so hard for some people to see the distinction?
Self-confidence is not a 'given' as well, and not only the 'ugly' ones lack it. Many girls stay in lower positions, never daring to think of having more power and, instead, leaving it either to the 'hungry for power' women (in their opinion) or men. They keep all their ideas in and stay in low positions with their mouths shut.
A lot of damage has been done for the physically beautiful, but I won't blame men. Some things are done just because things 'have always been like this'. We all do it - through advertising, media, movies. Music videos are not even worth mentioning in this case, I guess - some of them are the perfect demonstration of beautiful women doing silly things and exposing themselves to be recognised. We need to make them realize - everybody has the equal and basic right to...be intelligent. There's just no other way to say it, really.

Here's a video from #LikeAGirl campaign that majorly inspired me to get back to this post:

The situation is starting to get better with Emma Watson and other famous women speaking out about gender inequality, but the change is slow and will take a lot of time to spread worldwide.

Is my Lithuanian me dead?

Constanly wondering. That's what I'm like not only in my mind, but physically as well.
Since I finished highschool, I've lived in four countries in two years. Four different cultures, nations. Four different worlds, basically.

I have met a few Lithuanians along my way and they all seemed so different from what I see around me now, living in the capital of my belved country.

Now, getting to the point, I must say that every - or nearly every - Lithuanian who's lived - or is living - abroad complains a lot about my country, in the most extreme manner.

'There's nothing good about this country anymore - the people never smile, the prices are high, the jobs are shitty and none of them pay you well', they say.

I don't mean to say it is not at all like that, but c'mon - why did they come back if it's so bad for them here? I see what they're saying, but I see good things, too.

People here do smile - if you smile to them first and you can get a well-paid job, if you are willing to go that extra mile it demands.

I just don't understand why people who are living abroad spread all this negativity through their impolite and rude comments in Lithuanian online media. If you hate it so much, why go back to it? This really frustrates me and I have no way of telling that to people who are living their happy lives in their miraculous countries yet proving to be the most negative of all in the comments sections.

Every time I come back from my adventure abroad, I try to contain myself and not speak badly of my country. Yes, in Sweden you earn ten times more than in Lithuania and pay almost the same price for your groceries, but do I really have to point out that you are welcomed when you are searching for a job here instead of being dismissed as a foreigner in nationalist Swedish job market?

Personally, my adventures abroad make me love my own country more and more. Since I moved to Sweden for the first time, I became incomparably more patriotic than I was before. I got my values sorted out and the fact really sunk in - I just could not speak badly of the country I grew up and live happily in. Surely, there are bad things and I am free to point them out, but I don't see why I should compare it to something totally different.

Am I really the rare type? Someone please back me up.

Beautiful as we are (I)

This post has been here as an empty draft with only a name on it for exactly one month and one day. Everybody starts with a blank page, but I don't usually struggle with it as much as I did this time, not sure if it's because I have too much to say and I don't know where to start, or because I'm just afraid of being misunderstood, my words and thoughts being misinterpreted or thought of as egoistic and narcissistic.

I'm pretty sure I'll write more on this topic because I have way too many thoughts on presently existent perceptions of beauty and I don't want to make my posts too chunky and overloaded. I know - I'll make a series of posts on it :)

So, to start off, a few days ago, a friend of mine recommended a book called "1984" by George Orwell, which I will definitely read. From what she told me, it's about how societies can become dull only by narrowing down people's vocabularies and making them use basic words. As I think of it, it hits me just how true it may be.

The course I took on my Erasmus exchange this semester really got me thinking about so many cultural and social aspects of my life and my environment, and I think I might have found the connection between the ideas in "1984" and what I heard from my lecturers throughout the course- endless streams of academic vocabulary. Every time a simple word could be substituted for something more scholarly and professional - it was. It is shocking how much my own vocabulary has grown and how critically I started to see things since I started it in January, 16 weeks ago.

Even though I will be writing my own thoughts, mainly based on what I have read when I was searching for quotes to use in my exam papers, I feel like I need a disclaimer here: I do not intend to be egoistic or, worse, narcissistic. I have been told numerous times that I am physically beautiful, and it's not an achievement that I intend to brag about. And yes, technically, from the global point of view, I have, in fact, an "ideal body "- pale white skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, long legs and all this shit that makes people think I am beautiful and assume I'm not smart at all, sadly. That is purely a social and cultural thing about which I intend to talk in my "Beautiful  as we are" series. Here we go :)

Why wanderers know themselves better

   I have been thinking about this for a while and yes, my conclusion is that people who wander are not always lost. There are so many controversies in their lives, so much chaos and movement, spiced with risk, instability, and longing that it seems to be the best condition to get to know oneself in all ways possible. Even though there is no way this lifestyle is suitable for anyone or attractive for everyone who sticks to it, this is the right path with self-omniscience waiting at its end.
   The main reason why I think so is very practical. I am not talking about a person who walks around with a wooden walking-stick and gives strangers advice, even though they were also considered more knowledgeable and experienced than the sedentary ones. Here I am referring to travelers without permanent accommodation, such as international students, couch-surfers, au pair nannies etc. So, when 'the sedentary ones' move out, it becomes an event of a decade. Collecting their stuff, putting it into boxes and getting rid of some of it becomes a burden, because that 'stuff'' turns out to be the result of years and years of piling it up, filling up the space, even without realizing it.
   A modern wanderer cannot afford this luxury. In this case, moving out becomes an annual, seasonal(?), once-in-a-term, or any other kind of a periodical thing. It becomes a well-practiced skill. But the hard thing is, we can never help buying new things,  and we are given things all the time as well. So, the so-called modern wanderer usually encounters the dilemma I will refer to as 'space/value judgement'. Every time he/she moves out, some things have to be refused. One cannot afford to pile up, or to store things somewhere. And if the space is limited, the judgement of personal value has to be done. And yes, even very precious things have to be rid of sometimes. And when the person goes through it again and again, it becomes a lesson for life. What it teaches, however, it not only the 'proficiency' in moving out.
 
   It is, most importantly, self-exploration. Every time you move out, you see how you have changed. Under the light of cardinal changes, some things suddenly seem needless, and new valuables emerge. And this, being so material (we often think the big self-discoveries are made within oneself), becomes a way to know what's happening even before you find the changes within your inner self.

Opportunities that enrich

   One of the courses I am having, called "Introduction to Social and Cultural Studies", has been giving me a lot of thought recently, especially concerning the issues of racism, obesity, and disability and how society 'copes' with it, especially in the post-soviet Europe. I was comparing the views of people from small towns to ones of those coming from bigger cities. Then I thought about the small town I grew up in. People were crazy about football there, and we had two black players in out team, who were the only one making the local community interracial. People loved the sport, and the two guys did really well on the team, but still there were racist comments coming from the crowd every time they were in the field. The black players were being judged and picked on for slightest mistakes they made much more intensely than the other players. Everyone still loved the team but things were different than before.

   What I settled with was just a pile of questions I was going through over and over for the past two or three days. What really struck me was the final understanding that what all this fuss was ans still is about is really just the matter of 'otherness'. Offensively enough, I was able to compare it to a situation where a little child sees something other than  himself and radiates distrust. at it or..gets scared. And maybe that's just it, maybe we're just scared at the sight of someone entering the bubble of trust our society has formed easily enough because we were all similar physically? 

   But then I think about the western culture where the interracial background has been on much longer. Does this have to do with the national character? The soviets and their enclosure on the east part of Europe? The economy? It gets complex as different all these different aspects pile up, but what I think it's going to turn out to be is a matter of time. Time needed for a child to grow up and realize that all he feared was just another opportunity to make his life richer.

Emi is into movie recommendations

'Cafe de flore' is another movie I can't stop thinking about..and watching all over again as well. That's my thing, when something makes me think or feel differently in a good way, I get addicted to the feeling and feel like it would be wrong not to see/hear it again.
So this movie raises the idea of faith when it comes to love. It's about two people being written in the stars. About one person being a part of his partner's flame which burns even after this life ends, and even when the other life starts, meaning that the two are destined to find each other there. I find it very comforting to think that. When you combine the main ideas of 'Mr.Nobody' and 'Cafe de flore', it's not so hard to believe. We live our lives and don't really know if the afterlife exists. But if we are so sure of it even if it can all exist in one child's imagination, the idea of afterlife doesn't seem so surreal anymore, at least for me. I often get taken over by those depressing thoughts about the end of my life. Especially when I wish for my happiness to last forever. But there is no forever if we die, is it? That's depressing too. So this movie gave me a new point of view, the one that gives my happiness some deeper context. One that makes me mean it when I say forever. feel love more truly than ever and encourages to never forget about it, not even for a second.
To be honest, I can't stop thinking about this movie for weeks after I watch it once. Those thoughts are seriously addictive, because there is nothing in this world that makes me feel more satisfied with what I have and who I am than perfect harmony inside me.

Best gifts come from the heart

No need to hide it, although we are being modest about this sometimes, we all love getting presents. Some like luxury, some like receiving money and being given the freedom of choice, some never know what they want. But the whole point of giving someone a present is surprising them and showing you truly care about them, isn't it? I don't know your position, but I couldn't agree more. It's not about getting exactly the physical thing you wanted for, it's more about attention. As for me, best gifts ever are those that come from the heart and are given to you regardless of their low cost and simplicity. Members of my family share this opinion as well. Therefore, this Christmas we promised each other we would only give each other gifts made by ourselves. And I think it's fantastic! What if you can't make stuff by yourself, you may ask? You take something simple and turn it into something beautiful. Even if it's only the bag or the envelope that's made by you, it still gives a totally different first impression. You are let to know someone put effort and thought about you, not only went to the shop, bought something random and brought it to you right away. That's what lets you know the other person actually cares, not only does what he or she has to.
What inspired me to write this is actually my best friend's gift I got for my 19th birthday. At first, it all seemed so simple, but now, 6 months later, it means the world to me. A postcard, thyme pastilles and dried cornflowers for the tea - that's what she gave me just before I left and went back to cold and windy Scandinavia. So this evening, when I am feeling weak and feverish, I'm drinking the tea and feeling how the pastilles slowly melt in my mouth, hoping I'll feel better tomorrow because of this small simple gift which was given to me to show how she cared for me. Amazing, isn't it?  :)

Emi is thinking about life, love and existence

Let me just begin by saying it's in no way a recommendation, because most people I offer to watch this tell me it's crap, I am just spilling my thoughts into a virtual space. So there's this movie I can't get enough of. It's called 'Mister Nobody'. The name of it is far from catchy. The actors, however, are insanely good and Jared Leto is doing perfectly well there as always. On the other hand, it's too long as a mindfuck type of movie, so not everyone can last till the end of it. It's also weird as hell, I thought the same thing after watching that once. But it's a kind of movie that takes more than one time to watch in order to understand it. However, I do not know any single person except myself who is willing to watch this 3-hour movie more than twice. Ain't nobody have time for that.. However, after I watched it I got really curious about things I did not understand there. To get most of it took me about 4 times. But still, I keep watching different parts of it again and again. It changes everything. Before I found it, I would have never believed a movie can contain more and cause more thoughts about life, existence and love than any lecture I can possibly have or book I ever read in my life. When I watch it for a minute or two, all those thoughts are reborn and alive in my head, and I must add that it's addictive. I want to think more about it, feel this infinity of space and have this idea of everything being not real. Thinking about love from a different perspective than that of girly movies or romance comedies. Imagining all people being a huge 7 billion pixel screen and not being able to see myself in there, when everyone around me is telling I can change the world.
Every person sooner or later finds his way of feeling this. It might be a once-in-a-lifetime feeling, but it might become an addiction. Well, this was mine.

/Emi

Thoughts about saying good-bye

Saying good-bye is not what everybody has a chance to experience, but it is something you never learn how to deal with. It hurts every time, even if it's not forever. And if that wasn't enough, those moments of parting settle in your memory and later become one of the reasons for out-of-nowhere sadness. Especially now, when people freely travel all over the world every day, good-byes are becoming a very common thing. Even children experience that with, for example, their summer camp friends. Also, one mustn't forget about the rivers of tears that are being shed on graduations, in airports, bus and train stations, and, finally, hospitals and cemeteries. In addition to this, couples fall into long distance relationships, children leave their parents, people go on business trips, and soldiers go on missions, knowing they might not come back. But then, there is always some brighter shades regarding some of those points (not the cemeteries, of course). Take, for example, the fact that people make friends all the time. Then, in some cases, it becomes a closed circle: you find friends and leave them, then you do it again and again. But still, I do not believe you can ever put up with the feeling. Oh, and some more news from the bright side: just think how many love songs and letters have been written for the ones who were left alone, especially in the case of LDRs (Long Distance Relationships). From my still lasting experience I can say that this is one of the most morally painful things one can experience. Especially the beginning of it, which is always the worst. As time flies, it gets a little calmer inside, but the pain and sadness never disappear (of course, if the feeling of love remains). Nowadays, it has become an entire new culture: hundreds and hundreds of videos on Youtube, all those previously mentioned songs and cute letters, little gifts, big packages, motivational pictures on the internet... It is surprising how everything has changed to the extent of LDRs when the meeting of a couple in love is actually the first time the two people see each other! So, in conclusion, good-byes are painful, but what comes out of it in some cases is just amazing and couldn't possibly result from anything else.

Ponderings on the business of photography

So, about photography. Making pictures of whatever catches my attention is one of the most enjoyable things for me. Needless to say, quite a few pictures get to appear on my Facebook wall - people love to share things they like, and I'm not an exception. In fact, quite a few people actually tell me I'm good at it. As I tend to skim through my Facebook news feed quite often, there are certain types of posts I see more or less often. One of those in the category of posts I see every day has to do with making money out of photography. Nowadays, every person can start that, if, of course, he or she has a camera. Preferably, a good one, to make the whole thing look very professional. Then I think to myself: maybe I should do that too? A lot of people I know do that, and not having finished any kind of course that has to do with photography works as well. A couple of photo sessions with friendly people, a dozen of recommendations and boom - you have your own successful business! But then I think to myself: there are plenty of photographers, plenty of photo-models. I guess I should at least get a university degree first. Maybe then? Naaah, I'll come up with something else.

And the blogging begins

No expectations. That's how I begin my first blog ever. Plans: try and write about things that catch my attention in a different way, developing my own voice and style, and finally, finally get a long-time habit of writing regularly.
So, to begin with, a little bit about myself.
A struggling writer, still searching for my genre. Very eager to write, but sometimes too lazy to do it. Full of ideas and thoughts, but lacking the spirit and motivation to write regularly. Therefore, trying to change it and get better. So far, unsuccessfully. This made me consider starting an online blog. So, this is my another attempt to start writing daily, at least weekly.
I am not a native speaker, so there might be some grammar, punctuation or spelling mistakes in my writing. I am not going to set a specific topic for my blog posts. I imagine my blog being a reflection of me: everything from fancy and creative to scientific and very serious. In my posts, I will express my opinions, ponder over what I see on my Facebook news feed, get creative sometimes, or even do a research on something that catches my attention. If my blog happens to be successful, I might also consider making tutorials of cooking, handcraft (friendship bracelets, making teddy-bears), making different hairdos or healthy lifestyle.
I am a first-year student in Malmo University, Sweden (but I am not Swedish, just so that you know). and since my studies have to do a lot with writing, this blog will also be my way of practicing it, getting used to it.
So, I really hope that blogging will become a fun part of my life :)